Hedgehogs of Doom
by Batmanda
Summary: I usually don't take these fabulous charictars out of their enviornment, but this story line is too funny to pass up. Ch 5 MM, MF, FF.
1. Flying Hedgehogs

(A/N: I found this story line on this is NOT an original idea. It's just that the person wrote it so poorly, I had to re-do it. It's too funny to pass up. Also, I don't own any of these fabulous characters, and if i did, i wouldn't be here, now would I?)

A young blonde boy rolls up the street in his new Mercedes convertible. The license plate reads _WHAT SIN._ The energetic teen wore a puzzled look as he examines a crumpled bit of paper.

"Where is this place? 456 Katana St. This should be it, but it can't be right. Shouldn't Auron live in a mansion?" He looked up at the building in front of him. Three silver numbers shine on the front door, _456_. The neon sign on the roof of the building displays a winking man and flashing lights that read _Playgirl_.

Hesitantly, Tidus parks his shiny new car across the street and ventures inside the building.

"Wow," Tidus mumbled to himself, "Is Auron a man-slut? He doesn't seem like the type... Weird." He approaches a tan, oily man in a rainbow patterned man-thong, who was carrying a tray of drinks. "Do you know a guy named Auron? Tall, wears glasses and a red robe?"

"Oh, yah! Zee Oron Mon live upstairz, zat way." He nods towards a door behind to the bar counter. Tidus murmurs a word of thanks and heads up the stairway beyond the door. The short stairway was blinking from faulty fluorescent lighting. The blonde teen walks slowly, as to read the graffiti. Big bubbly letters close to the top of the stair case read _U cuji Rikku_.

When he reaches the top of the stairs, he timidly knocks on the battered door. "Auron, you in there?" he calls through it. The door swings open and the smell of cats and booze hits Tidus so hard, his eyes begin to water and his nose stings. "Auron!" Tidus exclaims, grimacing a bit at seeing his ex-lover in such a state.

"Who the he-? Shit, Tidus!" Auron grabs the nearest hedgehog off the couch and chucks it at him. "What are you doing here?" He yells as he throws more hedgehogs that were hidden dormant around the apartment.

"I finally found you! Come with us to the movies." Tidus says while dodging the flying pin cushions.

"Gm mmth mmoo mer?" Auron says in a muffled voice due to the fact that he had dove into his dirty laundry basket looking for more hedgehogs to throw.

"With Yuna, Wakka, Kimahri, Lulu, Rikku an-"

"Rikku? Rikku's going to be there?" Auron suddenly runs into another room and returns two minutes later, showered and fully dressed in a clean version of his usual red robe. He picks up a hedgehog that had been following him around and gave it a hug. "Mommy will be back soon honey," he kissed the creature and let out a yelp. It had stuck to his face. "Oh well, I didn't want to leave you behind anyway." Auron grabs his red purse off the kitchen counter and the two guardians set off down the stairs.

A/N: So? What do you think? R&R! I have NO idea where this story is going. I usually write romantic tragedies... This is the first humorous story I've written. I just want to kill everyone. But I'm restraining myself. So don't worry. I might even put a lemon in later if you're lucky ;)


	2. Auron cujim Rikku

A/N: Do Ronso's usually eat people?

When they hopped in Tidus' convertible, he couldn't help but notice the same oily man from before get in the car with them. "Auron, does this guy follow you everywhere?" Tidus asks.

"No, only when I'm not with my hedgehogs." He turns around and blows a kiss to the man.

"Auron, I hate to break it to you, but you have a hedgehog stuck to your face." Tidus glances at the backseat. "_He's getting oily ass on my seat. Gross._"

Auron blinks a few times before answering. "I don't know what to tell you then."

"I haff a name you know. I am Hanz." He says and leans forward, resting his arms on Tidus and Auron's shoulder.

"Now Hans," Auron starts gently, "Tidus and I need some alone time. Okay?"

"Okay. Zee you vhen you get home zen." Hanz stands in the convertible and jumps over the side and lands perfectly on the sidewalk, startling a few passers-by with his less than clothed appearance.

"That was weird..." Tidus mumbles.

They park on the far end of the theatre parking lot and walk towards the huge blue figure at the front.

"Kimahri spit him out!" A young brunette yells at the giant, blue, lion-man. He grins and slurps up the leg that was poking out of his mouth. A little blonde gives Kimahri a look of disgust and shudders.

"Eww," the blonde, Rikku exclaims when she sees Tidus and Auron walk up, "Why did you have to bring him with?" She points at Auron.

Auron sees her point at him, and immediately breaks out into a full sprint and clenches her into a bone crushing hug.

"Hello, Auron." Rikku says less than enthusiastically once she's let go.

"What? You've fallen in love with me and want to have my children?" Auron blurts out.

"What? No! What I was going to say was you have a hedgehog stuck to your face." She reaches up and rips the animal from his flesh.

"Oww!" He yells, immediately snatching the creature from her grasp.

"_A Guado Pilgrimage: The true life of Seymour Guado_," Wakka reads aloud, "We should see that, just for laughs, ya?" A murmur of consent runs though the group and they all go inside.

Wakka reaches for Lulu's hand, followed by Yuna with Tidus' arms wrapped around her waist, following her steps and his mouth attached to her neck. Rikku tries to strike conversation with Yuna, but her fit of tickled giggles from the growth on her neck is distracting her. And having Auron on her heels wasn't helping matters either. Rikku tries to escape with Kimahri, but he fell behind stalking a very large man in line for popcorn.

A/N: Sorry all the chapters are short. I'll have more soon. I can't give up! R&R. at least tell me this is funny. Have any constructive criticism for me? Please! I don't have an editor!


	3. Building the Fun

A/N: Ok, super short chapter! It's building up to the fun though!

"That was ridiculous! Yuna sent him to the Farplane. Noble act my ass." Lulu shouted when the Guardians and Summoner left the building.

"Yeah, and that actor? He wasn't even part Guado. He was Al Bhed with blue spray paint in his hair!" Yuna said with a mouthful of Tidus' tongue.

"I'm surprised you lovers saw the movie. You must have been kissing with your eyes open, ya?" Wakka taunted. The party laughed.

"Auron, you need a ride back to... your apartment?" Tidus looked around, Auron was chasing after his hedgehog down the hall and into another theatre. "Auron!" Tidus pried himself from Yuna's death-grip and runs after him. Tidus catches the hedgehog and hands it to Auron. "We're going to get in trouble, we don't have tickets to this movie."

"I do. I have a full pass. I can come in here whenever I want. They never play any other movie in theater 6." Auron boasts.

"What movie is it?" Tidus steps aside to see the screen. His eyes bulge and the front of his pants tighten. "Is this Fetish Fantasy X-2? Have a seat. I'll be right back."

Tidus runs out of the theatre, hedgehog at his heels. "Yuna! Guys! You go ahead, I have to give Auron a ride back to his apartment. Okay?" He give Yuna a big hug and kiss. When the party is out of sight, he sneaks to the box office and purchases a full time pass to _Fetish Fantasy X-2._

"Sorry that took so long, did I miss anything good?" Tidus plops into the seat next to Auron. It wasn't unusual to find that Auron's arm wasn't in his sleeve, but in his pants wasn't so common.

A/N: This chapter is kind of just building up to yiao and yuri fluff that has nothing to do with the story. The next chapter will contain all my lemons. If you don't want to read, that's fine, it won't affect the storyline. I'll let you know in an A/N in chapter 5 who it was so you don't miss anything. I just love writing lemons. Lol. Enjoy!


End file.
